Forgiveness

Forgiving yourself is far more difficult than asking someone you've wronged for forgiveness because there is no one to absolve your wrongs. There is no fight to be had with someone that will serve as the climax of the conflict where everything that follows after is a step forward. Forgiving yourself is a process that sometimes feels like 1 step forward, two backward, and another sideways. Some days hurt more than the first day you realised that you dropped the ball, and each subsequent day hurts more than the last. What makes this especially difficult is the cruel words with which we refer to ourselves during this time. Even when someone has wronged you, you often do not say the worst thing you possibly can to them, but when speaking to yourself there is no such filter. The things you can't describe you feel in your gut, and taste on your tongue.

But the sun rises again. And again. You have to keep rising with it every day, trying to make amends, to love yourself again. Do the work that needs to be done, fix what can be fixed, replace what you can, and accept what is lost. Acceptance is not acting like you don't care anymore, but accepting that you actually do. Acknowledge your feelings, and let yourself go through the motions. 

Treat yourself with the gentleness that you afford others. Say those words of affirmation that you say to your best friend whenever they are feeling down. Remind yourself of the times the sun has shone brightly in honour of your name, and never forget that each dark night is pursued by the brightest light.

Be the best version of yourself, to yourself. Keeping a vase safe for a thousand years is easier than trying to mend a broken one so it looks perfect again. 



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Don't applaud a fish for swimming

“Don’t applaud a fish for swimming.” It’s a saying that I come across often on social media, and I get it, fish are supposed to swim. With that being said, good behaviour is to be rewarded, and in a world where things can take a sharp turn very quickly, relatively smooth sailing is nothing to scoff at. People are ashamed to speak about the small things they appreciate in life, be it from loved ones or their own accomplishments; because how dare they make a mountain out of an ant hill? No matter how small it is to other people if something makes a difference in your life; you have every right to celebrate it. You don’t applaud a fish for swimming, but in an ocean where many have fallen victim to the perils of the deep; one that is alive and kicking is cause for celebration. It is the responsibility of a parent to provide the best life possible for their children, but you can still feel a sense of joy and pride when you see how your parent makes an effort to be there for you. You can...
Read more

If you cant take the heat, get out of the kitchen

In an interaction, where there is a recipient and a donor (yes that is the antonym of recipient), the burden of responsibility, of proof, is on the donor. It is the donor’s responsibility to ensure that the recipient actually receives what they are giving. It isn’t the customers’ responsibility to buy your product; it is yours to sell it to them. So sell it. It is the artists’ responsibility to reach their audience, not the audience's to accommodate the artist. It is the comedian’s responsibility to make the joke land, if the crowd doesn’t laugh then the comedian failed.  There is a pandemic of donors who forfeit their responsibility to the recipient, and then cry woe when the recipient doesn’t pick up what they dropped. Comedians from the last decade, and the one before have expressed their disdain for the “current generation” for being too sensitive. They say that the audience has lost their sense of humour, and they take everything too seriously. The people, whose job is to use ...
Read more

I am the captain of my own ship

I suspect that we don't have as much control over our lives as we believe that we do. Sure, we aren't helpless beings at the mercy of a predetermined algorithm, but we also aren't the all-powerful titans we sometimes convince ourselves we are. When things are going well, we over-estimate our contributions; and think highly of ourselves because we've done this Incredible thing. Feelings of pride, and confidence are warranted after an achievement; however, there's often a lack of acknowledgment of the factors, circumstances, and people that played different roles in getting you to the mountain top. When things aren't going well, there are often feelings of anxiety and despair due to the lack of control we have over our lives. It starts feeling like life is happening to us without our permission, and all we can do is react to each new thing that life throws at us. This is a dangerous place to be, because it can demotivate you from taking care of things that you cou...
Read more