The Acne to my melanin

The systems and rules we live by were made by man and therefore can be changed by man. “It is the way things are” and “that’s how it’s always been done” are no longer good enough. If we could all unanimously agree that slavery was unacceptable and that no human should own another human no matter the circumstances, or religious/political, and cultural justification, then surely we can amend other aspects of society.  The people who put certain systems in place were ordinary men who had personal agendas, be they racist, misogynistic, homophobic, or a combination. These systems were set in place by those who were historically in positions of power and I do not think it would be a stretch to say that these people did not exactly have the best interests of mankind in mind when creating these systems. A simple visit to the history section of any library will shed light on this. We have already started to challenge and have changed many of their systems from colonisation and slavery, all...

Entitlement – The fact of having a right to something (Oxford Languages via Google)  Entitlement is a word often reserved for those who have done us wrong and is used negatively. It is commonly associated with those who are selfish and inconsiderate. It is not a title that anyone wants to be labeled with.  Those who consider themselves ahead of the curve and wise, often say that no one owes you anything and slap the shameful tag of entitlement on whoever dares demand or expect anything from anyone. If you expect nothing, then you will not be disappointed they say. This is a defense mechanism to protect oneself against disappointment and heartbreak. The world is a rough place and I place no blame on someone for wanting to prevent pain and protect themselves. What I will not accept though, is the notion that no one owes you anything. That is not how communities work. That is not how humans have survived for thousands of years and that is not how healthy interpersonal relationsh...

 I, personally, do not care if you think I am racist. I believe that I am not and I am pretty certain that I give all individuals equal standing regardless of their race but if you feel like I am coming up short, I do not care. I have enough reasons to be racist that do not reflect badly on my character so my striving to ensure that I am not is more than you deserve.  I have 368 years of reasons to be racist. I am in a perpetual state of anger that messes with my quality of life because of you. Every time I turn on National Geographic and the narrator speaks of the dwindling North American buffalo I am reminded that they were almost wiped out of extinction because the Native Americans were dependent on them for survival and Europeans weren’t too happy about them being alive.  My blood boils when I listen to prominent white people such as Bill Gates and Prince William speak about how overpopulation, and I remember the British hero, Winston Churchill allowed million of Indi...

Forgiving yourself is far more difficult than asking someone you've wronged for forgiveness because there is no one to absolve your wrongs. There is no fight to be had with someone that will serve as the climax of the conflict where everything that follows after is a step forward. Forgiving yourself is a process that sometimes feels like 1 step forward, two backward, and another sideways. Some days hurt more than the first day you realised that you dropped the ball, and each subsequent day hurts more than the last. What makes this especially difficult is the cruel words with which we refer to ourselves during this time. Even when someone has wronged you, you often do not say the worst thing you possibly can to them, but when speaking to yourself there is no such filter. The things you can't describe you feel in your gut, and taste on your tongue. But the sun rises again. And again. You have to keep rising with it every day, trying to make amends, to love yourself again. Do the ...

Life is all about making choices, and they come in varying degrees of significance. Some are as minuscule as deciding between two or two and a half teaspoons of sugar, and others are whether your current partner is someone whom you would want around at your lowest point or not. No one has all the answers and anyone who claims to is not someone you should take seriously. We are freestyling this life thing, but we all need some sort of method to our madness. A process of elimination to guide us when we feel lost and uncertain. A process that we can rely on so that whatever the outcome, we can live with it.   I have made many choices in my life and said a lot of things, I am not proud of some and I am ashamed of others. I find that with decisions, it is often best to choose the option that would cause the least amount of harm if it were the wrong one. If people were discussing the choice you are making in 50 years’ time, could someone defend you in good conscience without playing...

Bill Burr who is a comedian, has a joke where he talks about bravery and how the minimal qualifying criteria for it has dropped. He talks about how the understanding of bravery has gone from jumping into burning buildings to saving lives, to people just talking about their traumas and feelings. The first time I heard it I chuckled, but upon further introspection, I realised that it’s not necessarily a dropping of standards but an expansion of the understanding of the word and what it means.  Vulnerability requires a lot of bravery from you because you are allowing others to see something that cannot be perceived from the outside and only you are privy to it. They get an opportunity to see you naked without pretenses or facades. It also opens you up to a multitude of possibilities that could make life very uncomfortable for you going forward. When people find out something that happened to you or that you did, their perception of you changes and they view you in a different light....

The beautiful thing about the internet is that it allows everyone the opportunity to find a community that they most belong to. No matter who you are and what you are into, through the internet, you can find like-minded people to connect with. The unfortunate thing about the internet is that anyone can find a sense of community, for ANYTHING. The internet has a home for everyone from pedophiles and abusers to racists and homophobes.  Shaming people was an effective tool to discourage behaviour that is detrimental to the community without causing any physical harm to the person. It acted as a deterrent so that most people do not entertain the devil on their shoulders long enough to commit an offense that requires punishment from the community. The social norms of the community were meant to accommodate and protect everyone. The internet and social media enable people to bypass those mechanisms from their immediate communities and go find others of similar minds online.  Th...